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spanking

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#1
~Shalhevet~

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Does God instruct us to spank our children? Isn't spanking a display of uncontrolled anger (a sin)?

#2
Ovedya

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Does God instruct us to spank our children? Isn't spanking a display of uncontrolled anger (a sin)?


No, beating is a display of uncontrolled anger. Spanking is a display of the consequences of breaking the law. If a parent cannot deliver a spanking - or any form of punishment for that matter - without being in control of their anger, then they should not enact that punishment.

#3
~Shalhevet~

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I'm personally finding it difficult to spank my child without being feeling frustrated by him. Does that mean I should not spank at all? He is a very strong willed child and does not take any sort of discipline seriously. What should I do?

#4
O'Dannyboy

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Spare the rod spoil the child.

#5
Trusting Jesus

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Discipline is what children - and parents - need. If a child is "spanked" when a parent is angry it can too easily turn to a beating. My daughter was/is very strong willed. When she was first walking and holding onto things she found lots of wonderful magazines the rip apart. I would tell her no, then she would look be in the eye and do it again, and I would spank her hand. It did no good. She would look me in the eye and keep doing it. Grr.... Yes, I would put things up out of her reach, but you just can't hang everything from the ceiling! I don't really know how we made it through her growing up, but we did. Yes, I spanked her little rear end, but spanking seemed to be more of a challenge to her more than a punishment. When I began homeschooling her I found the punishment that worked best was for her to write out 10...15....20 times "I will not___________". Of course she was not a todler by then. I guess what I'm trying to say is find a punishment that will work on your child. But be sure you have your anger under control, too.

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Nathele

#6
e lansing

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Does God instruct us to spank our children? Isn't spanking a display of uncontrolled anger (a sin)?



Discipline is biblical. Physical discipline however should be a last resort and happen on the rear or hand. I think that any other place on the body is wrong and could amount to abuse. I read a book called "the way they learn" by Cynthia Ulrich Tobias. It helps us better understand our children and therefore offer better forms of punishment, encouragement, love ect for your childeren. God bless!

e lansing

#7
~Shalhevet~

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By the way my son is three. I spank him on the butt only.

#8
LadyC

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no doubt you will get advice from all over the map here... and i don't mean literal map LOL. but whether or not spanking is biblical is a very hotly debated topic around here.

spanking out of anger or exasperation is definitely a loss of control. however, if you allow yourself time to cool down, you can let a lot of that anger dissipate, and then explain to your child that she (he?) will get X amount of spankings as a consequence of their actions. and then be sure to let them know afterward that you do still love them... they need to understand that your forgiveness is automatic and is a result of your love for them, and that your forgiveness is NOT a result of the discipline. right now your child may be too young to comprehend that, but in time, they will.

of course, not all children are alike, and will respond to some methods of discipline better than others. spanking may not be the most effective option for this child. i've known families that had several children, and each one of them had to be disciplined in a completely different manner! spanking would be the only thing that was effective for one child, and would be totally ineffective for the next.

just be careful not to ever let spanking become such common form of discipline that it loses its effectiveness. never spank in the heat of the moment, and never spank just because it's the most convenient form of discipline at the moment either.

and above all (well, above all other than the obvious never beat your child) never threaten to spank your child if you have no intention of following through. unless you are going to warm their bottom, do not even bring up the word "spank".

#9
~Shalhevet~

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Parenting is so hard. :emot-hug:

#10
wyguy

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“He who spares his rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly” (Proverbs 13:24).

“Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of correction will drive it far from him” (Proverbs 22:15).

“Do not withhold correction from a child, for if you beat him with a rod, he will not die. You shall beat him with a rod, and deliver his soul from hell” (Proverbs 23:13-14).

“The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother. Correct your son, and he will give you rest; yes, he will give delight to your soul” (Proverbs 29:15,17)

#11
e lansing

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no doubt you will get advice from all over the map here... and i don't mean literal map LOL. but whether or not spanking is biblical is a very hotly debated topic around here.

spanking out of anger or exasperation is definitely a loss of control. however, if you allow yourself time to cool down, you can let a lot of that anger dissipate, and then explain to your child that she (he?) will get X amount of spankings as a consequence of their actions. and then be sure to let them know afterward that you do still love them... they need to understand that your forgiveness is automatic and is a result of your love for them, and that your forgiveness is NOT a result of the discipline. right now your child may be too young to comprehend that, but in time, they will.

of course, not all children are alike, and will respond to some methods of discipline better than others. spanking may not be the most effective option for this child. i've known families that had several children, and each one of them had to be disciplined in a completely different manner! spanking would be the only thing that was effective for one child, and would be totally ineffective for the next.

just be careful not to ever let spanking become such common form of discipline that it loses its effectiveness. never spank in the heat of the moment, and never spank just because it's the most convenient form of discipline at the moment either.

and above all (well, above all other than the obvious never beat your child) never threaten to spank your child if you have no intention of following through. unless you are going to warm their bottom, do not even bring up the word "spank".

:emot-hug:

#12
e lansing

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By the way my son is three. I spank him on the butt only.

My son is 7 and my daughter is 10 Spankings did not happen until around 5 or 6, until 5 we just redirect them without spankings. today spankings are rare. Thank God for that :emot-hug:

#13
Miss Elly

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Does God instruct us to spank our children? Isn't spanking a display of uncontrolled anger (a sin)?


Some kids are so stubborn spankings don't always work. It didn't work for me when I was a child, it only made me more resentful and angry. Maybe if there had been more love involved before and afterward it may have. One of my girls was so willful, spanking never did any good.

#14
georgedrw81

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Does God instruct us to spank our children? Isn't spanking a display of uncontrolled anger (a sin)?


No, beating is a display of uncontrolled anger. Spanking is a display of the consequences of breaking the law. If a parent cannot deliver a spanking - or any form of punishment for that matter - without being in control of their anger, then they should not enact that punishment.

Right

#15
BFP

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I raised three children...one of them needed spankings, it was the only way to get any semblance of control over him...and no, they didn't work very well, but the only thing that was bothersome to that particular child was physical pain, so that is what he got. Did it make a differnce...not really, but with some kids nothing does. I really don't believe in time outs at all...I find they are alienating and don't work either.
My two other children were very different. My middle one rarely got spanked because she was mostly compliant and respectful.
And my youngest...spanking would have utterly and completely destroyed him had I ever tried it. He was too soft...but he was also a very easy child and is growing into a wonderful young man without having to have had any form of discipline really.

Where spanking gets abusive is when you are spanking for something that was really a mistake, a regular kid thing, like giggling at the dinner table during grace or something that is really not defiance, just a kid being a kid...I got alot of spankings as a kid for silly things like leaving my shoes in front of the door and dad tripping over them...giggling during church services...I was an excitable child but not a bad one. Those spankings just made me rebellious. The spanking I got shen I really did something wrong...like totally disrespecting my mother, or hitting a sibling, or doing something after I had already been clearly told not to...those are the spankings I learned from and knew I deserved.

#16
Axxman

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Allow me to toss in my two cents...

The word "spanking" isn't in the bible. It is a man-made word, as are pretty much all of the man-made rules concerning how to spank (i.e. as a last resort, on the bottom only, etc.) Ironically, in the sections of scripture that people use to defend their spanking...the bible actually uses the word "beat"...which most spankers bristle away from when its used in reference to child discipline. People who take the bible seemingly serious on the topic of beating their children rarely take the bible seriously (or literally) when it tells them to "beat them with a rod." No rather, they choose to use softer, less harmful objects like their hands, or belts, or twigs. They also, fall back on the "last resort" cushion. I'm sorry, but if a person wishes to take the topic of beating a child with a rod seriously...then they should also take serious the methodology that if you "spare the rod" in any instance, then according to the bible you actually hate your children for using the rod to beat them as a "last resort" only. I mean, there is just so much left open for interpretation depending on if you take those passages literally or if you take them metaphorically. Most spankers will say half is literal, the other half isn't (in the same verse...lol). With those considerations (among others) in mind I have raised my four beautiful kids without spankings.

just my 2 cents....

#17
Believer1997

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I did not find that it was effective and only served to make me feel terrible and out of control. Punishment usually involved time-outs and limiting and/or removing privileges and the things that they enjoyed for a period of time. I was with an toddler recently and forgot how exhausting that can be - we were able to maintain discipline and safety without spanking. It is amazing how much these little people understand and if you follow through on telling them that they will not be getting a treat or special outing if they are not obedient to your instructions. imo - the only thing spanking demonstrates is that you are bigger, stronger and can hit. I didn't think that was a lesson I wanted to convey. I also think that yelling, screaming, etc. at a child is abusive and should be avoided completely - many times words can hurt more than anything.

#18
BFP

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I did not find that it was effective and only served to make me feel terrible and out of control. Punishment usually involved time-outs and limiting and/or removing privileges and the things that they enjoyed for a period of time. I was with an toddler recently and forgot how exhausting that can be - we were able to maintain discipline and safety without spanking. It is amazing how much these little people understand and if you follow through on telling them that they will not be getting a treat or special outing if they are not obedient to your instructions. imo - the only thing spanking demonstrates is that you are bigger, stronger and can hit. I didn't think that was a lesson I wanted to convey. I also think that yelling, screaming, etc. at a child is abusive and should be avoided completely - many times words can hurt more than anything.

You are right, yelling and screaming are completely pointless.
I had this argument with a CPS worker one time...about the point being that spanking only demonstrates that you are bigger and stronger...the word here is really 'the authority figure' When you use a time out, or ANY form of discipline, you are still giving the message that you are bigger and stronger...or the authoritive figure.
The problem today is that many parents are not authoritive. They are too busy trying to be thier kids friends or equals. It really isn't a matter of spank or not spank in alot of cases. Many children take the authoritive role on and run with it to the exasperation of the parent. This is when a good spanking often comes in handy.
The problem with everything today is the loss of authortiy...teachers are really starting to feel it

#19
mizzdy

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At three there are many ways to get a child to mind. If you teach your child early on there are consequences for all behaviors then spanking becomes unnecessary. I spanked my daughter a total of maybe 3 times, (my son is a totally different story!!) she learned bad behavior is always rewarded with bad behavior whether its a swat on the rear or taking away toys. I rarely did time outs unless I knew the child could benefit by having some space to understand what happened and that usually only happens with older children. If your boy is doing the yelling thing or arguing you could try telling him that unless he can speak to you in a nice voice you will not listen to him until he does so. I learned a long time ago that kids want to be heard and ignoring the bad behavior often shows them good words and good behavior is rewarded by attention. I know its easier said than done but hey try working in a classroom with 20 or more 3 year olds ya learn quickly how to get them to listen and do as you need and want. If you don't get a handle on whatever the behavior is now its only going to get worse as he grows. Also you need to keep in mind what is normal behavior for his age and go with it correcting each instance as needed. Hope that helps some.

Mizz

#20
Believer1997

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I did not find that it was effective and only served to make me feel terrible and out of control. Punishment usually involved time-outs and limiting and/or removing privileges and the things that they enjoyed for a period of time. I was with an toddler recently and forgot how exhausting that can be - we were able to maintain discipline and safety without spanking. It is amazing how much these little people understand and if you follow through on telling them that they will not be getting a treat or special outing if they are not obedient to your instructions. imo - the only thing spanking demonstrates is that you are bigger, stronger and can hit. I didn't think that was a lesson I wanted to convey. I also think that yelling, screaming, etc. at a child is abusive and should be avoided completely - many times words can hurt more than anything.

You are right, yelling and screaming are completely pointless.
I had this argument with a CPS worker one time...about the point being that spanking only demonstrates that you are bigger and stronger...the word here is really 'the authority figure' When you use a time out, or ANY form of discipline, you are still giving the message that you are bigger and stronger...or the authoritive figure.
The problem today is that many parents are not authoritive. They are too busy trying to be thier kids friends or equals. It really isn't a matter of spank or not spank in alot of cases. Many children take the authoritive role on and run with it to the exasperation of the parent. This is when a good spanking often comes in handy.
The problem with everything today is the loss of authortiy...teachers are really starting to feel it



BFP - I've never seen a 'good spanking' - LOL.... I had the parent of one of my daughter's friends lecture me one day on how I 'needed" to be a "friend" to my daughter... I let her finish and then told her that "No... I need to be her mother - she has lots and lots of friends, but only one mother". It's not a pretty job sometimes and I've heard the teenage angst many times of "You've ruined my life, Mother!!!". Well.... she's an adult and a mother now and has thanked me for "ruining her life" a few times. NO... you cannot drive to Mexico and spend the summer there with "some people" (age 15); NO, you may not go 'out for dinner with a 27 yr. old man you met at the mall - I don't care how cool he is..." - (age 16), NO, you may not tattoo teardrops on your gorgeous face (age 17) .... those are just a few of the times I 'ruined her life".... There were days back there that I was pretty much convinced (as was she and her sibling) that my main duty in life was to make them totally miserable.... I was cranky and expected to know where she was and with whom, what they were doing, etc... all this before the advent of cell phones... I had something better to find them - "a secret network" of other parents who were as interested as I in what our children were doing and we did not hesitate to cruise about in our bulky scarred station wagons just looking for activities none of us had given permission for - there is nothing so uncool as to have your Mom show up in her cow pajamas and crash a party with all your cool friends... Since these days, they've divulged all sorts of interesting information from their childhoods and I realize that I was not nearly as stealthy as I thought. But ... God did as I prayed He would and surrounded them in His Grace and Safety. That is the most important thing - pray and pray - listen to what they have to say - say what you must say and then pray some more.




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