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Marriage advice

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messiahfollower,

i have read the posts. a couple of weeks have gone by, and i don't know how things have progressed for you. i have some extensive studying and writing regarding your challenge. i have much to say, but to say it briefly...well. to do that would make the issue trite, i fear. marriage has a fourfold purpose. 1-systemic, or functional 2-sacramental 3-symbolic 4-sanctifying. i can break these up for you if you would like. but these four things take a lot of mental and physical strength even between two willing believers, let alone in a marriage where there is no spiritual equality. you cannot actual begin to feel complete in a marriage like yours, because you are spending so much time trying to please your wife.

women really do need to talk. you can be so perfect in every area, but if you have poor communication, you will see little progress. has see actually mentioned why she is so discontent?

understand that the very spirit in you may be the thing repelling her. the spirit looking at you from within her hates the spirit in you. that does not mean SHE hates you. you are being sanctified through your trials, whether she stays or whether she goes. push through your pain. this challenge is temporary. keep focused on the eternal. i know your marriage is very important to you. it should be. but it should not be your center, nor your anchor. this should be Christ. He redeemed you. you are wanted, and loved. whatever happens, let this be your peace!

if she leaves, and you divorce, and the body of Christ shuns you or distances themselves from you, do not grieve. just move closer to the Lord. you don't even have to hold on tightly to Him. He has you in HIs hand. do not fear. go to your watchtower, pray, and tarry there.

you are blessed,

scargirl

Thank you so much. You're right, God holds me. I needed these words right now.

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12To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

 

1 Corinthians 7:12-15

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Have you asked her why? Is she bord? Has she falling in love with someone else? Does she just not want to be married anymore? Does she feel her needs are not being met? Before anything else I would ask her why?

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I have been kind, loving, gentle, patient, considerate, etc. I am 35 she is 27. I have been married for 7+ years. I have a 6, 4, 1 year old. My wife and I have had a contentious relationship. She filed for divorce 3 months ago. She wants a divorce no matter what. She doesn't serve God. I love her, but she doesn't seem to want to love me, even though she says she does. I feel like there may be hope, but only because she might "need" me financially, and only if accept all blame and submit to her and support her in everything. Do I let her go?

It appears, LadyKay,  he knows what her issues are, based on the last sentence?  He said she might return if he, "accepts all the blame and submits to her in everything."  Accepts the blame for what?  According to 1 Corinthians, he is free in this circumstance.  He didn't throw her out.  She chose to leave, and she is an unbeliever. 

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Accepts the blame for what?

Yes indeed. Blame for what is the question. What is she blaming you for? Seldom in a marriage is it totaly one person's fault.

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I have been kind, loving, gentle, patient, considerate, etc. I am 35 she is 27. I have been married for 7+ years. I have a 6, 4, 1 year old. My wife and I have had a contentious relationship. She filed for divorce 3 months ago. She wants a divorce no matter what. She doesn't serve God. I love her, but she doesn't seem to want to love me, even though she says she does. I feel like there may be hope, but only because she might "need" me financially, and only if accept all blame and submit to her and support her in everything. Do I let her go?

 

Hi,

How are you now and your family?  It's a long time since you posted your problem on this forum but I got to see it right now ! Probably, God's timing :) Hope by now your marital issue is solved and you both are living happily together. If yes, or even if not, I would recommend you get this e-book from Amazon called A Marriage that is Strong Until Death by Edith Paul and both of you read it together. It's worth a read and your marriage will be blessed. It's not expensive. If you have other friends in the same boat with marital problems, you must recommend this book. It is based totally on scripture. It will give you a Godly view of marriage ! Wishing you a happy relationship with your wife. The Lord bless you.

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Then you have to ask what Jesus expects of you as a husband...... Hint: he told us through Paul that we are to love them as he loved the church.

Hummmm. lets see..... what was it that he did. Gave up being a God to be incarnated into a human body and live as a man........ then suffer rejection, beatings and finally death in a really ugly way....... all for his church (that's us).

So tell me are you willing to give that to your wife? Have you told her so? Have you shown her enough that she would believe you? Every single person I have ever known that does that on a regular basis has a wife that would follow them over the cliff into the abyss if that's where he led her. Her part about submitting is not a big deal at all in that kind of an environment........ but outside that environment........ whoooooooeeeeeee that submit thing just doesn't work out.

You are absolutely right. When a husband sincerely and deeply loves his wife and stands by her side 'come what may' then submission by the wife to him is not an issue at all. He will receive all her love in reciprocation. That's how it is with Christ and us, the church, isn't it? It is the man who is to be in Christ and the wife will follow.

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