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Marriage advice

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32 replies to this topic

#1
messiahfollower

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I have been kind, loving, gentle, patient, considerate, etc. I am 35 she is 27. I have been married for 7+ years. I have a 6, 4, 1 year old. My wife and I have had a contentious relationship. She filed for divorce 3 months ago. She wants a divorce no matter what. She doesn't serve God. I love her, but she doesn't seem to want to love me, even though she says she does. I feel like there may be hope, but only because she might "need" me financially, and only if accept all blame and submit to her and support her in everything. Do I let her go?

#2
OneLight

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Do seek Gods direction through prayer and fasting. Claiming to be a Christian, you know what scripture tells you.

#3
other one

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I have been kind, loving, gentle, patient, considerate, etc. I am 35 she is 27. I have been married for 7+ years. I have a 6, 4, 1 year old. My wife and I have had a contentious relationship. She filed for divorce 3 months ago. She wants a divorce no matter what. She doesn't serve God. I love her, but she doesn't seem to want to love me, even though she says she does. I feel like there may be hope, but only because she might "need" me financially, and only if accept all blame and submit to her and support her in everything. Do I let her go?


http://www.familylif...end-to-remember

I know of several marriages that this event has saved. My cousin used to be associated with the ones that were held in and around Oklahoma City and Dallas. My wife and I have attended them and even though we were not having problems, we both learned things that made our marriage stronger and may have kept us from having problems later.

#4
messiahfollower

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Do seek Gods direction through prayer and fasting. Claiming to be a Christian, you know what scripture tells you.

I fasted until 2 today and will do so tomorrow. I also pray throughout the day, everyday. I am highly emotional and confused about things. I know God hates divorce, and I want to have faith, hope, and love. But my feelings are so hurt and I am somewhat discouraged. Ughh!

Edited by messiahfollower, 29 October 2012 - 08:33 PM.


#5
messiahfollower

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I feel like I can't quit or throw in the towel. But I so upset that she has, it is so painful. I have seen progress though and truly believe that she loves me and likes me. I really don't see what the problem is. I dont think there is anyone else she is involved with. My christian brother says I should let her go, and just serve God with everything. Not to worry about getting back together. In fact, not going back home even if she wants me to, unless she totally submits to Christ. Any thoughts?

#6
messiahfollower

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I live in Olympia, WA. She does not push the dissolution at this point. I need wisdom, and understanding. I can't give up. Please pray for us. Thank you!

#7
FresnoJoe

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Praying~!

#8
other one

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I feel like I can't quit or throw in the towel. But I so upset that she has, it is so painful. I have seen progress though and truly believe that she loves me and likes me. I really don't see what the problem is. I dont think there is anyone else she is involved with. My christian brother says I should let her go, and just serve God with everything. Not to worry about getting back together. In fact, not going back home even if she wants me to, unless she totally submits to Christ. Any thoughts?


since you asked yea..... that's really dumb.


When is the last time you sat down to talk and just ask her what she wants out of a relationship........ and set there and just listen until she's through unless she asks you a question.... and say nothing more than "Hummmm, Ok." when she's finished????

That would be a really good start....

#9
other one

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Then you have to ask what Jesus expects of you as a husband...... Hint: he told us through Paul that we are to love them as he loved the church.


Hummmm. lets see..... what was it that he did. Gave up being a God to be incarnated into a human body and live as a man........ then suffer rejection, beatings and finally death in a really ugly way....... all for his church (that's us).

So tell me are you willing to give that to your wife? Have you told her so? Have you shown her enough that she would believe you? Every single person I have ever known that does that on a regular basis has a wife that would follow them over the cliff into the abyss if that's where he led her. Her part about submitting is not a big deal at all in that kind of an environment........ but outside that environment........ whoooooooeeeeeee that submit thing just doesn't work out.

#10
other one

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If you will take her to that Family life seminar, they will teach you both how to accomplish that; and in a way that you both learn in a positive way and if you're really willing to have a real Christian marriage it will work out........ and your wife might actually see that Jesus has something special for her forever....

#11
Tinky

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I feel like there may be hope, but only because she might "need" me financially, and only if accept all blame and submit to her and support her in everything.



That is a recipe for disaster. There can be only one head of the household, and that is the husband. God has appointed you to lead - not your wife. Do everything in your power to heal your relationship, but if she abandons you, you are not at fault and have not sinned.

Be strong. Praying for you. :heart:

#12
ncn

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Praying.

#13
messiahfollower

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I feel like there may be hope, but only because she might "need" me financially, and only if accept all blame and submit to her and support her in everything.



That is a recipe for disaster. There can be only one head of the household, and that is the husband. God has appointed you to lead - not your wife. Do everything in your power to heal your relationship, but if she abandons you, you are not at fault and have not sinned.

Be strong. Praying for you. :heart:

Thank you

#14
LadyC

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well let me throw my two cents in. scripture does say that if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave, let them leave.

#15
messiahfollower

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The truth is she is not healthy for my walk in Christ. I must grow and lead. If she will not follow-So be it. I will be Christlike and still pray for her though.

#16
messiahfollower

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well let me throw my two cents in. scripture does say that if an unbelieving spouse wants to leave, let them leave.

Yes, it does. It also says there is a time to give up. I truly believe that If I seek God with all of my heart that He is a rewarder of those who seek Him diligently. I will continue to put my hope, faith, trust in Him. This gives me peace.

#17
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your last two posts seem to contradict themselves. i'll lift you up in prayer... this must be a very heartbreaking decision to make!

#18
livforhim

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praying for you, follower.

#19
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Hello from your brother in Oregon. I'm not familiar with Washington's divorce laws but the probably will allow it for just about any reason. But you certainly can contest it when it goes to court. You can also concentrate on being the best father you can be and the best person you can be during the whole process. It will do no good to attempt to force her to be a Christian. My wife and I have been married for 42+ years. About half-way through our marriage (we are both Believers) I came home from work one day and found a note on the kitchen table from her stating she had decided to leave me. She took our five children and returned to a city where we used to live. She had no Scriptural justification for a divorce. I was devastated. But I just continued to do what I needed to do to take care of myself and didn't hear from her for months. After 15 months she returned to me. She said God told her to come back. I think patience is your best bet. She's going to do what she wants to do. You need to concentrate on being a good father and doing what you need to do to take care of yourself. Those things may just make you attractive to her once again. If she should return don't lay a guilt trip on her, make her feel guilty or pressure her to be a Believer. Just show the love of Jesus toward her and leave the rest up to God.

#20
Cobalt1959

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If you will take her to that Family life seminar, they will teach you both how to accomplish that; and in a way that you both learn in a positive way and if you're really willing to have a real Christian marriage it will work out........ and your wife might actually see that Jesus has something special for her forever....


All of the advice you have given only works if both people are willing to work on the relationship. If only one is willing to work on it, that person can stand on their head, beg, plead, grovel on their knees in the dirt and it will not make any difference. One person can't make a relationship. You are placing all the weight of making the relationship work on him, and he isn't the one wanting out. You have hinted that he isn't committed, isn't a good listener, etc. You seem to be making him the bad guy. Bad call. If one person wants out of the relationship, they are going to go and there is nothing the other person can do to stop them. The advice you are giving just leads to a guilt trip for the person left behind.




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