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gentlegemini

forgiveness.

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My question is this, can you ever truly forgive someone who has ripped your life apart? How do you begin to do that?, and how long does it take before you stop hating them, and feel at peace?I

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Pray~!

 

And whatsoever ye shall ask in my name, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son. John 14:13

 

For He Is Able

 

Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth. Mark 9:23

 

Beloved, Oh So

 

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: And see if there be any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting. Psalms 139:23-24

 

Able

 

Remembering mine affliction and my misery, the wormwood and the gall. My soul hath them still in remembrance, and is humbled in me.

 

This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope.

 

It is of the LORD's mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. Lamentations 3:19-23

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Bitterness is a dangerous sin,that postpone God blessing,somethings are very hard to forgive,Jesus said without me you can do nothing,if you find it too hard to forgive on your own,ask God for the grace to forgive and forget,with God all things are possible,Jesus said if you did not forgive men the bad things they did to you,neither will you heavenly father forgive you,we ought to forgive, not to bear grudges and bitterness,even at the point of death,Jesus still display the important of forgiviness:father forgive them,for they don't know what they are doing.As far as there is a man to pray,there is a God to answer,God grant me the grace to forgive (mr A or mrs B)

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My question is this, can you ever truly forgive someone who has ripped your life apart? How do you begin to do that?, and how long does it take before you stop hating them, and feel at peace?I

Forgiveness should be automatic.  Don't confuse the healing process for forgiveness. 

 

I can completely forgive a person who lied to me or cheated.  But that does not mean I will ever fully trust them again.  Forgiveness doesn't mean that everything returns to the way things were before you were hurt.  The other party needs to realize that you have a healing process to go through and it might take a year or longer for you to heal up.  They may need to keep their distance for some time before you are ready to let them back into your life in any way shape or form.

 

Forgiveness means that you are putting justice into God's hands, you will let God deal with that person on your behalf.  God is the one who knows how to handle these things and you need to let Him in His wisdom deal with that other person.   Human nature wants revenge, but God will administer justice, because only God is wise enough to respond with just enough justice to fit the crime.

 

But are commanded to forgive and that commandment is unconditional.   You may need to rely on His power to fully forgive and to maintain that forgiveness.  Unforgiveness is a sin  and it will eat you alive if you let it fester.

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We choose to forgive because God tells us to do it, not because we feel like it.  He enables us to do it because He lives in us by His Spirit.  That is the Spirit of Jesus Who said, Father forgive them, they know not what they do, while He was hanging on that cross.  So He will enable you to do the same if you ask Him, realizing  that you are asking God to do through you what you are unable to do in your own strength.  Forgive the unforgivable.

 

God will also mend your broken heart, but it takes time.  You will have to forgive each time the bad memories come up, and each time it will become easier.  Your anger will soften and your grief and sadness will become less painful as you realize that life goes on without that person but it will never be the same.  

 

Isaiah 61:1-3 has always ministered to me even though it was written to the Jewish people.  Jesus also quoted from it.

The Spirit of the Lord God is upon Me, because the Lord has anointed Me to preach good tidings to the poor;

HE HAS SENT ME TO HEAL THE BROKENHEARTED, to proclaim liberty to captives, and th opening of the prison to those who are bound;

To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord, and the day of vengeance of our God;

TO COMFORT ALL WHO MOURN, to console those who mourn is Zion,

TO GIVE THEM BEAUTY FOR ASHES, THE OIL OF JOY FOR MOURNING, THE GARMENT OF PRAISE FOR THE SPIRIT OF HEAVINESS,

THAT THEY MAY BE CALL TREES OF RIGHTEOUSNESS, THE PLANTING OF THE LORD, THAT HE MAY BE GLORIFIED.

 

Yes, God can even use this to make something beautiful out of it.  He may help you to identify with the sufferings of Christ .  He was spit upon, rejected, deserted by His disciples, and even felt rejected by His Father.  He endured it all out of love for the Father and His love for you.  

He may help you to comprehend the height depth, and width of God's love which is beyond comprehension, but which is experienced and known by allowing Him to express it through you to love the unlovable and forgive the unforgivable..  So ask God to use it for good in your life as He promised in Romans 8.

 

Praying

Willa

 

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My question is this, can you ever truly forgive someone who has ripped your life apart? How do you begin to do that?, and how long does it take before you stop hating them, and feel at peace?I

Sometimes forgiveness is a process. I forgave my ex wife. however I needed to do so several more times. First time I wasn't really sincere. Some healing needed to happen before I could be sincere. 

How long does it take before you stop hating them? Well 2 years and counting for me. I did talk to her the other week. Previously I would keep communication to email or text message. When she calls every week to speak to our child I would hit the answer button and put it on speaker then hand the phone over to my child without saying a word. I still don't feel at peace but I am making progress. I found writing my story down helped. Counselling helped in giving me strategies to deal with it. Knowing which friends I can count on to help when I needed it in those early days was the biggest help.

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consider the sins we have made in our life... and our Father have forgiven us every single time 

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My question is this, can you ever truly forgive someone who has ripped your life apart? How do you begin to do that?, and how long does it take before you stop hating them, and feel at peace?I

 

What do you think forgivness means?  

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Blessings gentlegemini

     Welcome to Worthy.....I see you like horses,I am a professional horse trainer....been riding since I was 3 and began showing at age 5,,,,went on to the InterNational Circuit "Haute e'cole"........Praise the Lord! Glad to meet another "horse person" LOL :horse:

 What is really going to hinder your prayers & your healing process is that "hatred"....it goes hand in hand with unforgiveness,bitterness & resentment.Firstly,it is by the Power of the Holy Spirit that true forgiveness comes and is the Heart & Mind of Christ that enables us to see,think,feel,move,walk & love in spirit & in truth........we cannot even "love" right without Jesus abiding in us.

  You have to start taking captive of every thought for a renewing of the mind......you are not accountable for what someone else does (or has done)& have no control over that but we certainly are accountable for our own actions & in control of how we re-act to what others say & do.........I will tell you what makes it so very easy for me to love those who hate me & pray for my enemies and I hope this will help you & encourage you to know that it is going to be okay........if the Lord transformed me into a new creature,He can do it for you and I had a heart of stone once upon a time,,,,,,Glory to God!

     When I am at the receiving end of someones cruelty,hatred,injustice & so on and they intentionally try to hurt me ,,,because of Christ abiding in me I can see through His Eyes & I usually see a poor,wretched sinner...lost ,bound by evil  & on the road that leads to destruction.......they need forgiveness,they need Christ forgiveness ,they need to want it.....they are in serious trouble(for eternity).No matter what has been done to me,I can only think that God is my Vindicator & I do not want any human being to see the Wrath of God!!!!Any notions of myself feeling hurt is no longer of any importance because I know Gods Truth ,,,,,,eternal torment.I think of even the most hideous ,atrocious act of wickedness a person could commit & still I do not want to see them in hellfire for eternity......perhaps 5,10 or 20,000 years ,,,,,but forever?

      You see,suddenly when I think of everything from an eternal perspective,instead of a temporal view.......it all changes,I am no longer hurt(for me),forgiveness is easy then,no anger,no bitterness.......only a loving compassion & hope they will fall to their knees before Christ at the foot of the cross to receive Gods Grace,,,,,,,it is much more important  than the temporal suffering they may have caused me

                                                                                                                                                                       With love-in Christ,Kwik

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My question is this, can you ever truly forgive someone who has ripped your life apart? How do you begin to do that?, and how long does it take before you stop hating them, and feel at peace?I

that usually happens shortly after one realizes that hating someone no matter what for only hurts the one hating.   If someone would do that to you, you really don't want them around you anyway.....    so just give yourself a break and get on with life

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My question is this, can you ever truly forgive someone who has ripped your life apart? How do you begin to do that?, and how long does it take before you stop hating them, and feel at peace?I

forgiveness is a decision, and it's something only victims can do.  forgiveness isn't based on feelings, and often flies on the face of feelings of hurt.  once you forgive, you strive to not talk about the thing forgiven anymore no matter how hard you may be fighting to stop thinking about it.  if you don't forgive, you are asking God to judge the other person; which establishes a standard of perfection that you can't meet either (albeit usually in seemingly unrelated ways); to refuse to forgive is to invite God's judgment of your own performance, which falls short of the perfect standard as well as the person who injured you (He won't judge you for that, but you will find it impossible to receive forgiveness if you deny it to others).  forgiveness is for you; the other person may not even realize that they need forgiveness.  a victim is someone who is at the mercy of someone else and powerless to defend themselves; when you forgive, you reject that power you've given to the offender to hurt you.  only victims can forgive, because once they do they are no longer victims, they become victors.

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On 6/9/2014 at 1:45 PM, gentlegemini said:

My question is this, can you ever truly forgive someone who has ripped your life apart? How do you begin to do that?, and how long does it take before you stop hating them, and feel at peace?I

I happened to notice your topic from almost 2 yrs ago. 

Yes you can truly forgive someone who has ripped your life apart. It is not easy. And I think it is impossible without having the Lord in your life.

I speak about this firsthand. A little over a year ago, my brother in law was murdered. I have forgiven his killer. It was not easy. I had to fight myself to do so. I had to call on the Lord to soften my heart. Repeatedly. It is what Jesus has told me to do. What He tells all of us to do.

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As mentioned for the Christian it is a must.  Jesus made it clear if you want to be forgiven you must forgive.  No it's not easy but when you choose to forgive, you are free from bitterness, hate, and all the other things that go along with unforgiveness.  It's never about the person that wronged you, it is all about you.

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Wow,,,,,2 years ago the OP asked for advice here & then we never heard back,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I truly hope he has found his Peace,Comfort & Forgiveness by now,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,he asked"How long does it take?"   Hmmmm,I wonder how he is doing,in Jesus Name I pray,He has forsaken all the bitterness,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Praise & Glory to God                                    With love-in Christ,Kwik

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Forgiveness is very important to me ....to forgive and be forgiven ....I have made a lot of mistakes in my life and have been forgiven Jesus took me with all my faults and cracks ...he lifted me up ...washed me and made me what I am today...the Lord is still working in my life...there is still a lot to do but i'm getting there by his grace...Maggie

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On 6/9/2014 at 3:45 PM, gentlegemini said:

My question is this, can you ever truly forgive someone who has ripped your life apart? How do you begin to do that?, and how long does it take before you stop hating them, and feel at peace?I

when we refuse to forgive its because we feel we are more important than or have more value than the person that offended us.. When we stop and think that Jesus values us all equally we can see that we are really not more important in the scheme of things than the offender. Also- if there is anyone who has a right not to forgive it would be the Lord-- we trample on Him but he loves us so much that he puts our value above his own,--- when we consider these things it maybe easier to forgive others knowing that God forgives us--- no matter how hurt you are that your life was ripped apart- Jesus can soothe the hurt and help you to forgive-- you wont be able to do it under your own power

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Yes, you can and I have... both when it's been due to very conscious decisions a person made and when it hasn't necessarily been intentional and both instances left me devastated. It helped me to just trust God. I prayed for the people who hurt me... I prayed to forgive and when I didn't want to forgive or felt I couldn't; I prayed to be able to forgive. It didn't erase the pain, but it helps ease the burden. And really... what good reason is there not to forgive???

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There is a tremendous difference between forgiveness and reconciliation; I think sometimes folks get the two confused. Forgiveness is not keeping the bitterness concerning the person in our hearts, but rather, turning the issue over to God so He can work with it. Reconciliation is the mending of ties that were broken when the offense was committed, and while we should try where appropriate to mend ties, there are definitely times when it may not be appropriate, or even safe to do so! Examples would be those of physical/ sexual/ emotional abuse and the like.

I have had my life completely torn apart by a vicious individual, and yes, I do at times have to keep forgiving him as the pain and damage from the harm done reverberate physically and emotionally. Forgiveness is a choice we alone must make; reconciliation has to be mutual and we cannot force someone to try to make amends for what they have done.

 

I hope this is of some help, gentlegemini. God bless.

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Yes, you can and I have...

Blessings Seraph,,,,

    I used to think that too until one day the Lord showed me that my "forgiveness" was not like His,,,,,,,I truly believed with all of my heart & mind that I had long since forgiven a particular person,,,,,that was the problem,I was relying on my unreliable,undependable heart & mind,,,,,,,,,,,,,with the Heart & Mind of Christ,walking in Spirit & Truth I saw that to Truly Forgive,I need Him.............as only He can help us to Forgive as we have been Forgiven          Praise Jesus

                                                                                                              With love-in Christ,Kwik

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On 3/30/2016 at 4:47 PM, ayin jade said:

I happened to notice your topic from almost 2 yrs ago. 

Yes you can truly forgive someone who has ripped your life apart. It is not easy. And I think it is impossible without having the Lord in your life.

I speak about this firsthand. A little over a year ago, my brother in law was murdered. I have forgiven his killer. It was not easy. I had to fight myself to do so. I had to call on the Lord to soften my heart. Repeatedly. It is what Jesus has told me to do. What He tells all of us to do.

I agree Jade I believe forgiveness to one of the hardest things we are called upon to do.  I had to forgive the doctor that made the huge mistake that took my husband from me.  He was careless and lied to us.  I found myself getting angry, very angry.  Then I wanted to sue him.  But I didn't.  Suing this man would not bring my Steve back to me and I realized that Steve would be the first to forgive him.  When I finally let go it was better for me.  That is when I learned forgiveness is not about the other person, it is about us.  And your right too you can only do this through Jesus. 

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I like what shiloh had to say June 2014.

"I can completely forgive a person who lied to me or cheated.  But that does not mean I will ever fully trust them again.  Forgiveness doesn't mean that everything returns to the way things were before you were hurt.  The other party needs to realize that you have a healing process to go through and it might take a year or longer for you to heal up.  They may need to keep their distance for some time before you are ready to let them back into your life in any way shape or form."

Yes, your trust for that person can be damaged if they have hurt you. It does not mean that you ever have to associate with that person ever again. You are called to forgive that person so the bitterness does not eat you up. The forgiveness is not especially for the offending person's benefit but for your benefit. You may need to ask God for help and the strength to forgive a person who has betrayed you or hurt you. Very few people can actually say the words " I am sorry please forgive me". Many will do something kind to show they are sorry but it is rare to hear those precious words. Those words can actually aid in the forgiveness. God not only forgives our sins but He also forgets our sins. That is almost impossible for a human being.

You must put that person and the offense in God's hands.

Romans 12:19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”[a] says the Lord.

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28 minutes ago, bopeep1909 said:

I like what shiloh had to say June 2014.

"I can completely forgive a person who lied to me or cheated.  But that does not mean I will ever fully trust them again.  Forgiveness doesn't mean that everything returns to the way things were before you were hurt.  The other party needs to realize that you have a healing process to go through and it might take a year or longer for you to heal up.  They may need to keep their distance for some time before you are ready to let them back into your life in any way shape or form."

Yes, your trust for that person can be damaged if they have hurt you. It does not mean that you ever have to associate with that person ever again. You are called to forgive that person so the bitterness does not eat you up. The forgiveness is not especially for the offending person's benefit but for your benefit. You may need to ask God for help and the strength to forgive a person who has betrayed you or hurt you. Very few people can actually say the words " I am sorry please forgive me". Many will do something kind to show they are sorry but it is rare to hear those precious words. Those words can actually aid in the forgiveness. God not only forgives our sins but He also forgets our sins. That is almost impossible for a human being.

You must put that person and the offense in God's hands.

Romans 12:19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,”[a] says the Lord.

 

Miss Shilo :( Hope he's coming back~~~

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41 minutes ago, angels4u said:

Miss Shilo :( Hope he's coming back~~~

Agreed.  

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Well Yippee eye aaaaaye,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Shiloh is back!!!!! Thank YOU Jesus,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,yes,he was greatly missed...............

Speaking of Shiloh ,I was just reading his response here, that BoPeep quoted,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,it is so true,forgiveness is not always the most difficult part in comparison to accepting that relationships are sometimes passed(or different) in the event of circumstance,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

Perhaps we may hurt someone & they forgive but never really trust us as they once did & things change,,,,we have to accept these things & move on,,,,,,,,or visa versa,,,someone did something that lead to us ms-trusting them ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

I have a cousin that is just impossible to have any kind of relationship with ,,,,,she says mean ,hurtful,profane & even blasphemous things,unprovoked & without reason,,,,she is angry(at who knows what?),bitter,resentful,hateful,violent & explosive,,,,,,,& very unpredictable,I can honestly say she is heavily demonically oppressed and yet there are times she can be the sweetest thing , thirsts for Gods Word and you just want to hug her and wrap your arms around her,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,BUT ,ya just never know,it is like walking on eggs around the girl

I've not seen her in a couple of years ,it is much better that way,,,,,life is very peaceful & there is no chaos when she is not in it,,,,,,it is very sad but better this way,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,do I forgive her?I never held anything against her in the 1st place,she is not the one who hates me......it is the one she serves,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I pray for my cousin & I hope you will too,,It is sometimes hard to accept that she simply cannot be part of my life,,,,,,many times I've heard,"I'm so sorry,I love you",,,,,,& then she strikes again,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,Well,another reason we are completely dependent on the Holy Spirit,how would we ever know when to kick the dust from our feet or to say,,,,"Sure,let's try again",,,,,,,,who knows the heart but God!

                                                        With love-in Christ,Kwik

 

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On ‎6‎/‎9‎/‎2014 at 4:45 AM, gentlegemini said:

My question is this, can you ever truly forgive someone who has ripped your life apart? How do you begin to do that?, and how long does it take before you stop hating them, and feel at peace?I

I cant say that has truly happened to me. I've had to deal with a few bullies in my life and more I don't forgive myself for not handling them well. This might apply to you too. Forgive yourself for not handling a difficult person well first. then pray for the one who was your enemy, even it feels strange to do so.

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