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I Didn't Mean To Blackmail My (Ex)Girlfriend With Religion

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#1
kool_kid_86

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Living forever is like being locked up in a minimum security prison. Sure there are things to do in the prison, but after a while everything will become dull and boring as you will run out of things that are fun as you have done everything already.

 

I do want to know God, as it makes life much easier. Christianity adds purpose to your life, guides you, and God is like an invisible friend that will always talk to you if you listen.

 

My problem is that if I do believe in Jesus, then I will receive eternal life in heaven which is something I am uncomfortable with. My life is already not very great. I have great friends, great job, but I still feel lonely.

 

A year ago, I met this great Christian girl and we became real great friends. 7 weeks ago, we decided to go out. Things are going great but we broke up for personal reasons and because I am an atheist and she is not convinced that I am able to become a dedicated Christian but I know in my heart that I am able to because know I found someone that I truly cared about and I want to spend eternity just making her happy.

 

We decided to take a break so I can work out my personal issues before we take another stab at our relationship. I understand that Christianity is extremely important to her and her parents, and I do want to become a Christian too. I told her that during this time I will continue to read the bible and go to Church, but I will not convert to Christianity. In fact, only she will be able to bring me over to Christ. My reason being is that I absolutely trust her, and that I only want eternal life if she is by my side. She took it as blackmail and was very unhappy with what I said.

 

A bit of background information on me: My girlfriend (well, now ex) and I are both 27. I grew up in a Christian household (both my parents are Christian as well as many of my relatives). I did attend Church when I was young, but had a negative experience there so I only went to church until I was 14. I have had many un-coincidental incidents involving God (I would pray for something expecting for it to not come true but it does), which makes me think that God does answer my prayers and therefore must exist!

 

I guess my point is that:

  1. I am afraid of eternal life as my current life is very lonely. I definitely do not want to spend eternity lonely. I however believe the teachings of Christianity, and I do value the perks you get from being a Christian.
  2. I found a wonderful Christian girl and we both care for each other deeply. She however only wants to merry a Christian even though she has deep feelings for me.
  3. I told her that I will only be a Christian if she was at my side. She felt that I am trying to blackmail her, which is not my intention. My logic for saying this is because I only want to spend my eternal life with her, otherwise I would feel miserable (as I currently feel miserable as she is not by my side during our break).
  4. I have not told her my explanation for my decision yet because we are currently on a break, and I was afraid it would make matters worse.

What do you think of how I am approaching this relationship? I understand that it is ideal to put religion before a girlfriend, but for me I want to this particular girl to be with me otherwise eternal life will become a torture without her.



#2
ayin jade

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You become a Christian by turning to Jesus, not by changing to please a girlfriend. If you change just so you can marry her, the change is likely not heartfelt. A Christian in name only, not in fact. 

 

Seek the Lord.



#3
OakWood

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1/ You will not be lonely in eternal life. It is nothing like this life.

2/ Jesus will come to you if you ask.

3/ Jesus has a plan for you. Choose him for yourself, not for your girlfriend.

4/ A break is wise at this stage.



#4
1x1is1

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Seek to spend eternity with Jesus, not a future wife.  Don't sell the Lord short on keeping you amazed in Heaven or here on earth.  Do be grateful that you are able to detect that there is work to be done in this relationship. Now is the time to address it, so it can start of right with the Lord behind you.  GBU



#5
Fez

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Living forever is like being locked up in a minimum security prison. Sure there are things to do in the prison, but after a while everything will become dull and boring as you will run out of things that are fun as you have done everything already.

 

Heaven is a place of no sickness, no fear, no anxiety, no hunger, greed or strife. It is a place of perfect peace and Love shared with your creator, the God of Love and Light. Your ex gets this and wants to share this amazing feeling of freedom and expectation of heaven on earth, and when you are eventually in heaven, with someone who feels the same way. Can you blame her?

 

The bible tells us not to be unequally yoked in our relationship, and that is what she is doing.

 

Now tell me, what do you think the alternative to living forever may be?



#6
tigger398

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1/ You will not be lonely in eternal life. It is nothing like this life.

2/ Jesus will come to you if you ask.

3/ Jesus has a plan for you. Choose him for yourself, not for your girlfriend.

4/ A break is wise at this stage.

 

:thumbsup:



#7
tigger398

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I want to add. Jesus is not a religion, but a relationship



#8
gigman7

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I want to add. Jesus is not a religion, but a relationship

That is correct.

 

You can't become a Christian if you are an atheist. Meaning, "while you are an atheist". You first must believe that Jesus is real and will save you.

 

Also, you don't just decide to become a Christian. Jesus calls on you first.



#9
Butero

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You say you want to know God, but you also say you are an atheist.  How can you know someone that doesn't exist in your mind?  I don't think you are an atheist, but simply a person that has reasons for not becoming a Christian.  You are making a mistake with regard to "eternal life."  Everyone ever born will exist forever.  When the Bible speaks of eternal life, it means living in heaven with the Lord and the saints.  That doesn't mean that if you don't have "eternal life", you will just go to the grave and that is the end.  Those who die without knowing God will just spend eternity in hell, a place of eternal torment. 

 

It has already been said, but I can assure you that living forever in heaven is nothing like living forever in your current state as a man on earth.  You won't be bored and you won't be lonely.  Don't let fear of something like that hold you back.  At the same time, you can't get saved just to win over a girl you like.  It won't work.  It is about having a relationship with Jesus.  I can see you are very confused about the whole concept of eternal life.  You won't be floating around on a cloud day after day by yourself playing a harp.  Read Revelation chapter 21 and 22.  Whenever I read that, it encourages me to press on, because that is something I don't want to miss out on. 



#10
digitalinchrist

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I thought that too at one time. Being saved is the difference. But off the top of my head here's what I think. No one cares about time when they are having fun. Being in the presence of God might be like a high you never come down from. Like that temporary bliss of sexual orgasm forever. Except in heaven its not neurotransmitters in your brain firing. Its beyond physics and physical reality.

 

John 4:7-14 "

There cometh a woman of Samaria to draw water: Jesus saith unto her, Give me to drink.

(For his disciples were gone away unto the city to buy meat.)

Then saith the woman of Samaria unto him, How is it that thou, being a Jew, askest drink of me, which am a woman of Samaria? for the Jews have no dealings with the Samaritans.

10 Jesus answered and said unto her, If thou knewest the gift of God, and who it is that saith to thee, Give me to drink; thou wouldest have asked of him, and he would have given thee living water.

11 The woman saith unto him, Sir, thou hast nothing to draw with, and the well is deep: from whence then hast thou that living water?

12 Art thou greater than our father Jacob, which gave us the well, and drank thereof himself, and his children, and his cattle?

13 Jesus answered and said unto her, Whosoever drinketh of this water shall thirst again:

14 But whosoever drinketh of the water that I shall give him shall never thirst; but the water that I shall give him shall be in him a well of water springing up into everlasting life."



#11
kool_kid_86

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I don't think you are an atheist, but simply a person that has reasons for not becoming a Christian. 

 

 

 

I think you are right. I took my time yesterday to reflect and I think I am scared of being a Christian. A lot of my friends are atheist and I guess I am afraid of how they will view me if they find out I convert to Christianity. My two closest guy friends (one who was Christian) think that religion causes much more harm then good. My first two girlfriends (my most recent being my third) are both against religion. I guess I am heavily influenced by the people around me. To me, I find safety in the fact that my third girlfriend would have been there to guide me into the faith and to stick to my side even when I am at my worse. 



#12
Butero

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Don't let fear stop you from becoming a Christian.  I honestly don't think it will cost you your friends if you get saved.  My advise to you would be to accept Jesus as your Lord and Savior, and don't be ashamed or afraid to let people know you did, but at the same time, just don't become the type of person who tries to force your new found faith on your friends.  Live the life in front of them so they will see that religion "doesn't cause more harm than good."  I think what turns a lot of people off to Christians is when they become condemning, and a lot of new Christians tend to be that way early on.  We see that certain things we were doing isn't right and we try to force others into changing, even though they are not believers.  Just make the decision to become a Christian and start living for Jesus in your own personal relationship.  Unless you are the type who is a real "party animal" and your friends are too, your becoming a Christian may not even stand out that much to them.  Again, I am not saying you should avoid acknowledging Jesus.  If we are ashamed of him, he will be ashamed of us.  I am just saying not to try to force your friends to change the way they live. 

 

I am going to be honest with you.  Some may still abandon you, but if they do, they were never really your friends, and God will have new friends for you.  I also don't know what will happen with regard to the girl you are interested in, but the right person is out there.  This is your life.  Don't let others lead you in the ditch.  If you think your friends are so shallow they would abandon you if you became a Christian, how good of friends are they? 



#13
RigMedic

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I think the real issue here is not that you'll be lonely in heaven, but your motives for becoming a Christian. Let me give you an example.

Two men are seated on a plane. The first is given a parachute and told to put it on, as it would improve his flight. He’s a little skeptical at first, since he can’t see how wearing a parachute on a plane could possibly improve his flight. He decides to experiment and see if the claims are true. As he puts it on, he notices the weight of it upon his shoulders and he finds he has difficulty in sitting upright. However, he consoles himself with the fact he was told that the parachute would improve his flight. So he decides to give it a little time.

As he waits he notices that some of the other passengers are laughing at him for wearing a parachute on a plane. He begins to feel somewhat humiliated. As they continue to point and laugh at him, he can stand it no longer. He slinks in his seat, unstraps the parachute, and throws it to the floor. Disillusionment and bitterness fill his heart, because as far as he was concerned he was told an outright lie.

The second man is given a parachute, but listen to what he is told. He’s told to put it on because at any moment he’ll be jumping 25,000 feet out of the plane. He gratefully puts the parachute on. He doesn’t notice the weight of it upon his shoulders, nor that he can’t sit upright. His mind is consumed with the thought of what would happen to him if he jumped without the parachute.

Let’s now analyze the motive and the result of each passenger’s experience. The first man’s motive for putting the parachute on was solely to improve his flight. The result of his experience was that he was humiliated by the passengers, disillusioned, and somewhat embittered against those who gave him the parachute. As far as he’s concerned, it will be a long time before anyone gets one of those things on his back again.

The second man put the parachute on solely to escape the jump to come. And because of his knowledge of what would happen to him if he jumped without it, he has a deep-rooted joy and peace in his heart knowing that he’s saved from sure death. This knowledge gives him the ability to withstand the mockery of the other passengers.

My worry is this. Let's say you do become a Christian because of her. You will be turning to Christ for the wrong reasons and when you get exactly what is promised to all Christians which is trials, tribulations, persecution humiliation, you will fall away. What if at this time she decides to leave you? What if she dies before you? Suffering through loss is a hard task to take when you do not have a relationship with Jesus Christ.

You can be certain of this though, eternity is a very real place and we will all come into it. However it will either be an eternity in heaven with our God or an eternity in hell without him.

Think about this and be honest with yourself

If you have told a lie, that makes you a liar.
If you have ever stolen anything, that makes you a thief.

But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.
Rev 21:8 (KJV)

Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God.
1 Cor 6:10 (KJV)

Jesus said that if you even lust after someone then you have committed adultery already within your heart. How many people can say that they have never had sexual desire for someone else.

These are just three of God's laws he set in place. You may have your own standards for what you think a good person should be, but God has his own. According to his standards we have all fallen short.

What people dont seem to understand about Jesus is that what happened on the cross was a legal transaction. We all broke God's law, Jesus paid our fine. All we have to do is accept it.

You accept it by repenting and trusting Jesus.

Repentance simply means to turn away from something. So turn away from all the bad things you have been doing, turn away from the things you know are wrong. Your conscience will bear witness to it. Humble yourself before God and confess your sins to him. He already knows them he just wants you to be accountable to them. Then trust Jesus with your salvation.
Repent ye therefore, and be converted, that your sins may be blotted out, when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord; Acts 3:19 (KJV)

Here comes another parachute analogy!

Say your in an airplane 50,000 feet above the earth and it begins to go down. The pilot throws you a parachute. You would put the parachute on, and trust that it would save your life from the jump to come. Thats the same kind of trust you need to have in Jesus.
When you do that you will step out of death and into life.
The Holy Spirit will change your heart and you will desire the things God desire's and want the things God wants.
For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.
John 3:16-17 (KJV)

Edited by RigMedic, 19 July 2014 - 02:11 PM.





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