Hi everybody from the NW corner of WA state up against the Canadian border! I'm excited to be here! I'm a 44 yr old (but mentally 28, haha) mama to 2 little boys, ages 4 and 1 (but both turning the next year in January so soon will be 5 & 2). I met my wonderful husband later in life and he is a Christian and we've been married almost 8 years.
I joined because I have an "issue." I was raised in a Jewish home but never "clicked" with Judaism. I had a lonely childhood, mentally abusive and/or absent parents and never felt a loving God until my hubby introduced me to him going to Evangelical churches in my 30's. I was saved actually in my 20's but strayed on and off. My parents who claim to be jewish don't even believe in a higher power and do things to be "traditional" but freak out with outrage if I don't do them. So the day before Christmas my mom was on the phone with me in one of her moods. She has disowned me multiple times in my life, gone years at a time without speaking to me because I was dating a nonjew, married a nonjew, or didn't make enough money in my job to please her. She has a Narcissistic personality and can't think beyond herself, plus she has Borderline Personality Disorder, and lots of rage, yelling/screaming at the top of her lungs at me my entire life which cause me a lot of anxiety/depression. But here I thought I was over that. I'm 44 for God's sake!!! I'm a full time stay at home mommy to 2 little angels who take all my time & energy as they should.
But my mom FREAKED and started going OFF on me Dec 23rd because I admitted I was baking Christmas cookies with my little boys, and that I'd taken them out to see Christmas lights in Stanley Park, Vancouver Canada (which was AMAZING), and when she asked if I was going to church Christmas Eve I admitted it. She was yelliing, then crying that I disprespect her and now her and my dad are not speaking to me. It hurts. It hurts into my soul and I Keep praying for healing in Jesus' name. She does not know I am a Christian because if she did I'd be dead to her. You have to understand the culture... But how do I get over this?? She's in southern CA, 1500 miles away but even at this age and distance I can't stop crying because I never had a mother or father who loved me, just one (mother) who beat me and screamed at me and a father who joined in the screaming (he has Aspergers) and was always ready to drop me out of his life with no emotion. Never have I known loving parents, but I want to get to know my loving Heavenly Father better. How do I get over this??? Anyone else have a controlling, over bearing, narcissistic mother???