Hey, everybody. I posted a prayer request last summer about when I couldn’t sleep because of a devil. This caused some division in this forum and the thread had to be cleaned and reopened. Not long after that I let myself believe that this wasn’t a devil but mental illness. I had been in a mental institution twice the year before and was and am on anti-psychotic medication.
But don’t think that it all was just mental illness. I think this goes way back to even before I was born. A few years ago I saw a fake story play out in my mind that I thought actually happened. I was in a Bible study group at my church. We would study the Bible and when it came my turn to speak I would disprove the study leader’s (Matt) ideas. This angered him slowly more and more until he gave up and told one of his friends (Jon) to mentor me and try to get me to be nicer. This happened and went on for over a year in my mind, but was presented as a few months in the fake memories. It was also presented that I had blocked out (mentally) these memories. So I assumed that these memories were being dug up. Most of what we talked about was me giving my life to Christ. I’m still unsure about why we did this.
Sometime during me entertaining these memories I met a girl who I later found out was the girl I had prayed for God to send me about four years before. I came out of a door and made an “L” going one way with her going the adjacent way. She said to me, “Nice day today!”I didn’t think she was very pretty so I said, “Yep,” and turned the other way making our paths a “T.” You see, I hated the less-pretty girls with a passion because no girl had ever come up and talked to me before. Even though one finally had I was consumed with hate and rejected her (though I think now she thought I just had somewhere else to go). In the area of hate I also saw my relationship with my mother spoil because of it. She would do small things that all mothers do and they would annoy me in a big way. One summer I listened to as many Walid Shoebat speeches as I could find on iTunes. He was always comparing the Bible which says to give your body as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1) and Muslims giving their bodies as a dead sacrifice. This confirmed for me that it is biblical for someone to give his or her life to Christ. These three people (the girl, Mom, and Walid) came together to get me to give my life to Christ.
I don’t really remember my thought process in giving my life to Christ (I now think that this was a pseudo-punishment [not that I think God will punish a believer] for not doing anything with what I had been given when I gave my life to Christ). I do remember praying, “Christ, I give my life to you.” and feeling a rush of adrenaline in my head sometime later or before. I forgave my mother and started to love her again. I noticed that I gained patience and had a clearer mind. I still talked to Jon about giving my life to Christ but now I was patient and could deal with him and stop obsessing over certain fake memories. This went on for a while until I decided to “dig up” fake memories of someone else.
Now is when my story gets tricky. The person whose fake memories I entertained next was Keesha, a classmate from High School. I was a junior in college when I started digging up her fake memories. My thought process in deciding to switch to her fake memories was that she had helped me to give my life to Christ. Even though I completely remembered this, it never happened. Later on I have had similar completely-fake memories. I’ve seen Bible verses that aren’t real about what a Christian is and more. I’ve had other devil input in my life (now that I’m a follower of Christ, which has happened late last summer) so this has lead me to believe that these memories are from them. You probably all know that devils punish people for their sins. The punishment I think was dealt by these devils was for entertaining fake memories.
My grandmother passed away about seven years ago. After they cleaned out her house they found a Bible there with my name in the front (notice: front) and they gave it to me. It had the New Testament ripped out. All my life most of what I’ve been doing (but not without multi-tasking) was thinking about God. I’ve also had a better time with the Old Testament than with the New. I’ve especially enjoyed the Book of Leviticus. I think this all goes back to what my precious Grandma did for me (by helping me write my name in the Bible). Bible teacher and scientist Hugh Ross of Reasons.org and the Reasons to Believe ministry wrote his name in the back (notice: back) of a Bible (he presented this as something to do when you get saved). He’s quite the thinker when it comes to the Bible and somewhat seems to be good with the Book of Job. Knowing about Hugh Ross gave me a better idea of the special blessing we get when we write our names in a Bible. I still don’t know whether it matters if you write it in the front or back (I’ve since written my name in the back of another [whole] Bible) or why she tore out the new testament ( I suspect it was so I wouldn’t have too much to handle so young [I was at most four]).
This is the part that can get pretty fuzzy. I remember when the missionaries came to school long ago. I was about five or six. I remember praying something like, “God, please use me,” when the missionaries asked us to pray. When I was thinking about this not long ago I thought I must’ve prayed on my own. But God put some baggage on me that went away when I admitted that an angel probably got me to pray it. So not too much longer after I prayed that wonderful prayer a boy introduced himself to me. He became my first best friend. His name was Robert. He was a great friend. Time went along and we grew apart. A new boy introduced himself to me. Cody and I were great friends too. Looking back on this time I see that Cody and Robert were special. Cody seemed to hate another boy named James. But he did hang out at lunch with James and another girl who seemed to be special, Kristen. James was once made fun of for smiling in an old-ish picture. One of our teacher’s assistants, Virginia, once spoke about me saying something like, “That boy never smiles, but he’s always happy!”
This is getting pretty long so If anyone is interested I can keep going, then.